tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85610360424587203012024-02-19T07:32:33.215-08:00Jenny's NookThe place where the real me resides. My thoughts, my feelings. The closest thing to being in my head. A frightening place, lol...Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-82163577691807540952012-03-17T21:04:00.000-07:002012-03-17T21:04:44.769-07:00It's bee a while...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1AXZX4tKkQL5Is51G_PHYyFE_q-FYlryKCih6tQdGaAa9aPBEs0y2MC2YBzhamErBNb-LY8p94MLUvaP5dSKG7Gxjrq4tLk3BF_2lonH-IVksWwkvtz-nZYMH5skOG5KKk-6FWnR0Bzk/s1600/sad-girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1AXZX4tKkQL5Is51G_PHYyFE_q-FYlryKCih6tQdGaAa9aPBEs0y2MC2YBzhamErBNb-LY8p94MLUvaP5dSKG7Gxjrq4tLk3BF_2lonH-IVksWwkvtz-nZYMH5skOG5KKk-6FWnR0Bzk/s320/sad-girl.jpg" width="281" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">It's been a while since I wrote about anything. For the past week or so I have been in a downward spiral. I hate depression, I think it is hardest to go from doing great, to feeling like things are falling apart at the seams. I am alone right now in my room on a saturday night. I was at a b-day/b-day part, but there was so much going on I couldn't stand it. There was one person whom I can't stand, one person I'm just extremely hurt by but mostly just too many people. I feel like giving up on everything. I feel alone. I don't know what to do. These are the moments I miss my Mom. I feel unraveled. Does that make sense? I feel loved, I feel support. But, with the things on my plate, I just feel...I feel...just tired. Giving up would be so easy. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I am hoping that going back to school will help me with some of the depression. But the other side of that sword is, I get so stressed with school, it's just the same cycle as before, just a different branch of my tree. I want to go and scream at the top of my lungs AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH</span></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com0Pleasant Grove, UT, USA40.3641184 -111.7385440.3293759 -111.7767165 40.3988609 -111.7003635tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-21547753340604614722012-02-29T02:08:00.000-08:002012-02-29T02:08:05.310-08:00ADHD<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdzMlK2zIK9atSfN6QN5UQvSS4NVkn06a2xdKp0DMd6RMUpFg0ZrUYv3PpOW78XLob-7IwFc9ovEu1LI4rEFosIYE7rxQNH8F9F84Q6_Q_3JLJyHBoDQzgJULkXTyqtOSbeY7kuokrtQI/s1600/ADHD-moms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdzMlK2zIK9atSfN6QN5UQvSS4NVkn06a2xdKp0DMd6RMUpFg0ZrUYv3PpOW78XLob-7IwFc9ovEu1LI4rEFosIYE7rxQNH8F9F84Q6_Q_3JLJyHBoDQzgJULkXTyqtOSbeY7kuokrtQI/s320/ADHD-moms.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="color: #20124d;">Where to begin with this one. I have a daughter who is 11 and has ADHD. Raising her, to say the least, is very taxing. Things have spiraled so out of control with her that I daily, DREAD waking up. I feel like I've lost her. I miss my little Taylor, my Tada Bug. She is impossible to reward or discipline. She doesn't care about anything or anyone besides herself. It's killing me here. She lies, steals, destroys property, fights, screams, slams doors and overall is impossible to live with. She'll lie when the truth is easier. She'll steal because she gets what she wants. She does whatever it is she wants on a whim because no on e is the boss of her. The stress I have with her is literally killing me. I've had her on medication, and off medication. I've had her in a social group called STRIDE, I've had her in therapy at home and at an office. I've had her tested, I've had training on how to deal with an ADHD child. I feel very alone and at an end here. I hate punishing her, for one it accomplishes absolutely nothing, but I can't reward her because of the lying, stealing...etc: that goes on. I've tried so many techniques with positive reinforcement, letting things be an award not a punishment. I've tried to be strict, I've given her a foot and she takes a football field. I've tried school, friends, activities even church. NOTHING helps. Her entire focus is going to my Aunt's where she tells me that she is spoiled there, non of her siblings are there so no one can bother her or tell her what to do. Everything is handed to her and nothing is expected from her. Reports from her is she's fine, she acts well she hardly argues. Even now, worrying about what she'll do tomorrow is eating at me already. What fights we'll get in, or how innocent and nice she'll act. I feel like "act" is the entire basis for her living. She acts fine, she acts nice but at home...she's like, words won't even come to me at this point. If anyone has advice, I'd sure love it, I'm lost out here with no light and it's very dark.</span>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-87757888012176523202012-02-22T10:39:00.000-08:002012-02-22T10:39:00.454-08:00Good things, Good things!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggFa-UBLE_6kdzUBP-e0-MH497bKn21jg52jqBIphFdTZRzo4tcrhdxhakK-2-EAZhLPfinGnH_ULXX-kQsZvxjUnOKLk90xwmLafEQE3oyCleFDtFg-OQtujHbk2UexFAHAFczr11YqY/s1600/It+will+hurt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggFa-UBLE_6kdzUBP-e0-MH497bKn21jg52jqBIphFdTZRzo4tcrhdxhakK-2-EAZhLPfinGnH_ULXX-kQsZvxjUnOKLk90xwmLafEQE3oyCleFDtFg-OQtujHbk2UexFAHAFczr11YqY/s320/It+will+hurt.jpg" width="264" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-size: large;">I have almost been working out for a month, on the 28th. Plus my calorie counting. I have upped my water intake. At the gym I do cardio, usually 30 mins. on the treadmill at different inclines, and the bike about 15 mins. right now on and off. I lift every time too. One day arms, one day legs. I look forward to going to the gym, and when I get home from school I put on my gym clothes so it is way easier to go. When I am at the gym I usually drink about 48 oz of water. I'm feeling great, full of energy and I sleep well. My muscles hurt and my feet ache and I love it all!!!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-size: large;">I'm strangely grateful that I got the boost to loose weight. I am committed more than ever and I think it is because I am doing it for me, not for anyone else. :)</span></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-52232315377771212102012-01-31T12:22:00.000-08:002012-01-31T12:22:31.496-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0zWxAtZGJzs13EEi_80rF7vQzYsxvTvK6gic4D0zrOr-tEOnIIQDzN_qOPF3T6JaA1g0vD-pMwGDrdmVhtSNOidObl1BINiJaABBfZFk58HpgOz8SRz_VR9qL4CnF95yaffinjcylXEU/s1600/woman-with-guilt-shame-and-depression.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0zWxAtZGJzs13EEi_80rF7vQzYsxvTvK6gic4D0zrOr-tEOnIIQDzN_qOPF3T6JaA1g0vD-pMwGDrdmVhtSNOidObl1BINiJaABBfZFk58HpgOz8SRz_VR9qL4CnF95yaffinjcylXEU/s320/woman-with-guilt-shame-and-depression.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Today, what to day about today...I went to my kidney Dr. She said that my kidneys are only working 80% of what they should, my cholesterol and blood pressure are way to high and my weight is to high. She told me, that with all that I was a prime candidate for a heart attack, that it was just a matter or time. Both her and the Dr. I saw last week agreed that they are amazed I don't have diabetes already. My blood pressure was like 180 over 110 and that was shocking. Since last week though the scale said I lost 3 pounds, probably because I have pretty much cut out soda.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I had two boiled eggs for breakfast and a handful of almonds for breakfast and am pretty proud of myself! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Things are just out of control in my body. The two biggest issues with my kidneys is my blood pressure and my weight. The cholesterol is a factor because with my kidneys not working right and the weight it puts a huge strain on my heart. Stress is also a major problem, it makes my heart and my kidneys struggle. In fact stress is what made my kidneys go bad in the first place way back in 2002. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm super stressed right, now which is bad, but can't be helped. I'm sure it will level out when I finish processing what I was told this past week, but ...right now I'm all sorts of freaking out. :( My head is splitting, has been since I found out. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm going tonight with my husband to get a pass to our PG Rec. center. We're going to be walking and lifting, I love weight lifting, I think because of my ex husband. But I know lifting and building muscle helps burn fat.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm scared and hopeful all at the same time because, even though I got this bad news today. After last week, I already have this resolve to loose weight and a plan in place. I just still need that support and love from my family and friends and I'll beat this!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm worth it...</span><br />
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</span>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-17763301357123420872012-01-25T23:13:00.000-08:002012-01-25T23:13:22.128-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_TJ1hGYxEQnCxY5FkzLbSpkmMql56JcpQmDy52GDkmFZRlYFJeQwnKj4bWKcHiJJ2EGIVBhcg6dlqqahSsbUf1PP7UUMw0E6pBdr34Mo6ZQseD_5kEDiQKQbEVoLVp-4_N2YjfDefkc/s1600/weightlossforwomenover40.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_TJ1hGYxEQnCxY5FkzLbSpkmMql56JcpQmDy52GDkmFZRlYFJeQwnKj4bWKcHiJJ2EGIVBhcg6dlqqahSsbUf1PP7UUMw0E6pBdr34Mo6ZQseD_5kEDiQKQbEVoLVp-4_N2YjfDefkc/s400/weightlossforwomenover40.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><strong><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So I went to the Dr. today. I needed my estrogen refilled, and I have this weird bump on my hand. Estrogen...check, weird bump on my hand is a simple cyst that they are removing it in a few weeks. BUT, this is where things go dicey for me. He talked to me frankly about my weight. He said for as heavy as I am, for my history of family heart diseas, diabetes, my high blood pressure, my history of high cholesterol and my kidney disease I am a high risk for a stroke within even the next year. For a long time I've been very unhappy about my weight, but never enough to apparently stop or change any behaviors. Today although, I'm looking at things in a new light. I honestly feel like my mind set was tweaked just a little, enough to decide to do things differently. I feel like today even, I've done things differently. Little things so i don't blow out entirely. </span></strong></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><strong><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia;">I was reading my friend Holli's blog and got a lot of good vibes from her and I'm excited about it. It is going to be a long hard road, but, I'm worth it. I'm sure it will be hard, but I am strong, I've been through so much in my life. I can do this. I just hope I have the support I need. </span></strong></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-17431061515910286102012-01-11T22:17:00.000-08:002012-01-11T22:17:55.739-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju820AnWQ9bsUVDkPSlsvR6JQo2D5sSrgUKPfyxVMZi0EsiUOhoZwpuMS-4h5FJBiIdN9XWvIiXaoZwabJzeblZw0AfdSVvqWiaB_KoyOw9YHnGO-mEFT2SFOlGw3OoXDrlmLmvAm_ItE/s1600/love-heart-on-beach-sand-1680x1050.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju820AnWQ9bsUVDkPSlsvR6JQo2D5sSrgUKPfyxVMZi0EsiUOhoZwpuMS-4h5FJBiIdN9XWvIiXaoZwabJzeblZw0AfdSVvqWiaB_KoyOw9YHnGO-mEFT2SFOlGw3OoXDrlmLmvAm_ItE/s320/love-heart-on-beach-sand-1680x1050.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;">I am really loving this beach scene lately. Makes me feel calm, warm, and carefree. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;">I am 3 days into this semester. They seem all good classes and teachers, except my bio class. I'm not counting it out totally right now, but the teacher seems, not altogether. Makes me miss my eccentric English teacher. So this semester I am a sophomore, and I have Humanities, Sociology, Biology and Astronomy. I missed school. I like having something to do. To get out of the house is worth some mental health.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;">My older kids are still not in school till the 17th. It has been almost an ENTIRE MONTH and I'm going NUTS....LOL I love my kids but wow. Taylor is in her new school Mount Mahogany. She already has friends and I'm happy for her!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;">I am very happy with my new place. It's nice, clean, new, NOT HOUSING! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;"><br />
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</span></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-19888582974582659822012-01-01T14:40:00.000-08:002012-01-01T14:40:23.659-08:00All moved<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEsbVlXDCcdGVYrYZcxY1UXM0-9me2zCXLNIITmzCyFzbXHn2H_vecSCLYyEP_FSibg-qMAfxpozxmPreWWQ_JBM160bSdbPkyEmZOQ3ghAK6jN0LhrFQcUKGlt6aF9LYpxDzsqZzKLHA/s1600/yoga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEsbVlXDCcdGVYrYZcxY1UXM0-9me2zCXLNIITmzCyFzbXHn2H_vecSCLYyEP_FSibg-qMAfxpozxmPreWWQ_JBM160bSdbPkyEmZOQ3ghAK6jN0LhrFQcUKGlt6aF9LYpxDzsqZzKLHA/s1600/yoga.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We are all moved out of the Provo house. It's weird. I won't miss that place, but I was there for so long it's like all these memories are being left. I moved in there January of 2004, and so much has happened and changed since then. Taylor was 3 when we moved there, now she is 11. I was single then, now I'm happily marred. The walls have been privy to many things and wiping them down was weird. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I like this new place. It's brand new, it's way nice inside, my bedroom is s much bigger and nicer than the old place. Only one bathroom but it'll do. I just laugh when I'm in the shower and someone outside the door is screaming they need to go. I'm not rushing my shower time. They'll have to run to Walkers lol...;) We are full of boxes and still trying to organize things, figure out what we can take to the storage unit we got. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My kids are going to be going to PGJH and Mount Mahogony, signing them up on Tuesday. And then I start on the 9th. I am excited!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-91817261944914433332011-12-21T02:32:00.000-08:002011-12-21T02:32:59.831-08:00What it is about...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpsBKwwOXSWoQUOn9FKuS8e1WSD4HJvtoqJrqR6_g7tm2Ge-Hn6Jt45JiN1-Fxcgq35o4LUp3F1QXdA1KY1fl56kapGjLWvVoViGRViQXiuQIOP-aAbJUpWv-yG5IfqGrQOyxe6T4GLmA/s1600/wallpaper-131463.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpsBKwwOXSWoQUOn9FKuS8e1WSD4HJvtoqJrqR6_g7tm2Ge-Hn6Jt45JiN1-Fxcgq35o4LUp3F1QXdA1KY1fl56kapGjLWvVoViGRViQXiuQIOP-aAbJUpWv-yG5IfqGrQOyxe6T4GLmA/s320/wallpaper-131463.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>It's official!! We are moving. Into an apartment in Pleasant Grove. A fresh start for the kids and us, it's like our (Jeramy & I) first place. We found it together, we can just start something. I'm excited actually. It may be smaller than our last place, but I lived in a large house once and it seperates the family and I don't want that. I don't want everyone in their own space watching their own thing, or doing their own thing. Obviously I know it is important to let them do their own thing, but I want a family not a bunch of stranger living together.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>We are in the middle of packing. I found a picture that my Aunt gave me. It is me, her and my Grandma Faye. Her smile is ENORMOUS, it's how I like to remember her. I think that when she died she was waiting for me to be there before she went. I don't know what made me decide to show up that particular day to see her. I just remember thinking it was important. My uncle was already there. He was so tired. I told him to go and sleep in the chair in the other room. I was just talking to her. I put lotion on her hands and feet, put on some socks so her feet weren't cold. There were these things that looked like suckers that I was dipping in water and wetting her lips and inside her mouth. She was snoring, but that's my grandma, if you knew her you would understand. She never woke up to talk to me but I knew she was there. I also know my Grandpa was there, I heard walking, I felt him there. I knew he was there with her just waiting, waiting for me. I think there was no coinsidence that I was there alone, that Gary had left the room. It was Sunday there was church music on, very fitting. I thought of how she took care of me almost all of my life after my mom died. And now I was taking care of her, in a small way. I held her hand, and laid on her arm quite a while. I love her so much. I remember all the nights when she'd tickle my back while we watched the channel 5 news. I never understood why exactly she liked that news stations, but it was always that. I loved Christmas because of her. Now that she's gone, there just doesn't seem like there is any meaning to it. No enchiladas, no candles made of gum drops. No songs, no Christmas lights by the fire. I miss her. I felt truly loved! Sometimes I think my childhood was one big mistake, but then I realize how much she loved me. I think what I miss is her cooking. She always made great food. Christmas was made of fudge and sugar cookies and candy and fun and joy and togetherness. Makes plates for neighbors, me driving her cuz she was so bad at addresses. LOL....ah, my Grandma. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I plan on going to the cemetary to "see" my family. Sad when you can visit a lot of your family in one stop like that. </b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>This is the words to a song we sang all the time....</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">I'm a little doll, who has just been broken </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Falling off my mommy's knees </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">I'm a little doll, who has just been mended </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Now won't you tell me please </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Are my ears on straight, is my nose in place </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Have I got a good expression on my face </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Are my blue eyes bright, do I look alright </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">To be taken home on Christmas Day </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">When I first came here, just a month ago </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Brought in by a little girl, who loved me so </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">She began to cry, until I told her why </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">To be taken home on Christmas Day </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Christmas Day is drawing near </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">And I'm getting scared </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">I wish I could see in a mirror </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">How I've been repaired </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">I would call for her soon, but I'm worried so </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Will she love me, like she did a month ago </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">Are my ears on straight, I can hardly wait </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;">To be taken home on Christmas Day</span> <br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;"><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Console', 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier; font-size: 12px;"><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><b>I miss you a lot Grandma. I love you forever...Tell my Mom I love her and hug my baby girl! </b></span></span>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-50430794725507440102011-12-14T23:23:00.000-08:002011-12-14T23:23:05.488-08:00Time to reflect<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://1.gvt0.com/vi/_eXw47qb4U0/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_eXw47qb4U0&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_eXw47qb4U0&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I </span><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">remember this song from when it actually came out, back in what 1992, I would have been in 8th grade then. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">At one of those crossroads in life. Left, right or through the weeds. I've always wanted to stay true to the Road Less Traveled. Not one to take the easy road. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I'm done with finals. I guess I won't know the grades until the 20th. Kind of stressful. I think next semester will be kinda hard too, I'm taking Bio 1010, Sociology 1010, Humanities and Astronomy. 2 sciences and that is stressful. No maths, notice that, I am SO not looking forward to math.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Christmas is only give or take 10 days away, it couldn't feel further away. No snow, not even a lot in the mountains. No presents under the tree. Jonathan would destroy them. His birthday is friday, the 16th. I can't believe he is already 4. Where does the time go?</span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I'm wanting to start new Christmas traditions, but I can't seem to shake loose the old one's totally. </span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I feel like I have a lot to say and nothing is coming out. </span><br />
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</span>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-86351629473284253182011-12-08T23:26:00.000-08:002011-12-08T23:26:45.098-08:00Looking for the good...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioZEBF-kyO_WHbsdl6-8r27k2EMNxau9zc2r6XqLqhGvoTw7GSgv7qw5GK9SRIS4XtdFJZ17TxN46m9KZGttikW_tDuCgxzx2MlWSH4B_5p9BUMlp9CTjFhbtZyBl1x1W_blRVGUlhH3o/s1600/HPL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioZEBF-kyO_WHbsdl6-8r27k2EMNxau9zc2r6XqLqhGvoTw7GSgv7qw5GK9SRIS4XtdFJZ17TxN46m9KZGttikW_tDuCgxzx2MlWSH4B_5p9BUMlp9CTjFhbtZyBl1x1W_blRVGUlhH3o/s1600/HPL.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>So it was my last day in my last English class for college. It left me in high spirits. Proud that I made it all semester, proud that I got out a 10 page paper, something I thought I would never be able to do.</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>Now as it gets closer to Christmas, I find myself wondering where the snow is? I do love the sky before a snow storm. I love the smell of the clean snow. I love how peaceful it is watching the snow fall. I love the crunch when you walk in that first snow before it's shoveled. There is something very sad though for me, some darkness that I feel when I hear a certain Christmas music, like Manhattan steamroller, of transyberrian *how to spell that lol that can't be close*. it makes me sad, blue...Makes it worse when I'm in my room, watching it snow silently in the night. Makes me long for something I can't even describe, just...long for. </b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>I went to my cousin's choir concert tonight. He's more like my nephew and I love him to death. He's sleeping in my front room as a matter of fact tonight. </b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>We found a very very perfect townhouse tonight and I hope beyond hope that we can call it home very soon!</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>I am already thinking about next semesters classes and I'm not even done with all my finals. :) I guess that ok.</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>Let's start something new, let's start something me and you, all we need is imagination, and a little dab of glue, let's try something new...let's try something newwwwww....</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br />
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</b></span></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-51203431712494062612011-11-28T00:08:00.000-08:002011-11-28T00:08:16.072-08:00Christmas Woes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFozSJQF3cHO6_QKAY-EELeaGiOOiMxI7NcWKYqe5dts8n3UN215W0ELsIPfJQx4YLJ2CN4E6B_QC-edky_3iwVJfK7z2XT1CMU3cAW-KuseQdsRfzI3z1Al3dbXLy2U1KI9DvXXumKaQ/s1600/du_E873_l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFozSJQF3cHO6_QKAY-EELeaGiOOiMxI7NcWKYqe5dts8n3UN215W0ELsIPfJQx4YLJ2CN4E6B_QC-edky_3iwVJfK7z2XT1CMU3cAW-KuseQdsRfzI3z1Al3dbXLy2U1KI9DvXXumKaQ/s320/du_E873_l.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">It is almost December. The month of Christmas and Giving and warm feelings and, well...I have the hardest time pretending. I wish I had warm fuzzy feelings to do with Christmas. I use to, for a while. My childhood, Christmas was amazing, best thing ever! Closest thing to it was night before the first day at Disneyland. I loved going to pick our tree, I hated dragging up the Christmas decorations, but I liked putting them out and decorating the tree. I looked forward to Christmas family parties and seeing my cousins, being with my Grandma. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Then as a teen, I hated it. I hated having to decorate the house, I hated freezing to death picking out the tree, I hate HATED how obsessed my Dad became with Christmas. He literally wanted to open our own Christmas tree farm and wanted us to dress like elves. I thought, over my head teenage body. All Christmas was to me was time away from my friends, my boyfriend. STUPID!!!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I got married and had my kids, it was different. The best, Christmas I EVER had was the Christmas that Taylor was new. I was married to Tim still. He saved up his NAVY vacation time for Christmas every year. We decided this year to stay home. Two weeks with just time to spend together. But even before that, I was feeling the spirit. My kids and I listened to Christmas music all the time, we made cookies, the house looked amazing. We went to neighborhood parties and just loved being together as a family. Probably the best time of our entire marriage. I remember having our fire blazing, our tree that was so tiny but ours. It was quite cold in December in Fort Worth. Obviously not Utah cold. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">That being the best Christmas with Tim, it's so weird that my worst Christmas ever was because of Tim too. Christmas in 2002 was the year I found out Christmas Eve that he was cheating on me. It was literally the worst, most painful thing in my entire life. It made me hate hate hate Christmas after that. Spending Christmas's alone after that was hard. One year I was alone Christmas morning, that broke my heart.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">This year I look at Christmas, and I wished I had more warm feelings. Once and a while I do. But in general I don't. And I had hoped Jeramy could help me change all that but, he just doesn't care for it either. Not even with our 4 year old finally understanding what it is about. It is painful, I really wish I could feel more. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Most people don't care for "negative" I seem to be and I don't particularly care. I'm not all bad. I just swing on the low side. Usually just October to April, seasonal depression? I don't know...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">But this isn't a blog to make everyone happy, it is a blog for those who want to see...to see me.</span></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com1Provo, UT, USA40.2338438 -111.6585337000000240.1623078 -111.76058720000002 40.305379800000004 -111.55648020000002tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-45113966041851047262011-11-25T22:45:00.000-08:002011-11-25T22:45:22.626-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxjrXfkzxFYqcYc90ZJ1am_WNpBWDvgeCsUjwzYyt2DzEyqJRka26cPvP_2U3EuAqEC1ZEHxk2T72GFp_jkH_KOF0dSo9fVULlUedd8MCjA33mbxumKlTTcyocl8avM22wJhXNJZLUWg0/s1600/Ray+of+hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxjrXfkzxFYqcYc90ZJ1am_WNpBWDvgeCsUjwzYyt2DzEyqJRka26cPvP_2U3EuAqEC1ZEHxk2T72GFp_jkH_KOF0dSo9fVULlUedd8MCjA33mbxumKlTTcyocl8avM22wJhXNJZLUWg0/s1600/Ray+of+hope.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f3f3f3;">So Thanksgiving is over. It has been very nice having Jeramy home for two full days so far and two more to come. I am so excited. We were going through a very rough patch, possibly a rough patch that most marriages would not make it through. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f3f3f3;">Thanksgiving was very not fun. Well the dinner wasn't. I had not even a little bit of fun in Wallsburg. I won't be going back there again for that holiday. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f3f3f3;">It is almost finals for this semester. I have one more 10 page research paper to write before next week, two group presentations and one history final. WISH ME LUCK!!</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com0Home, Provo, UT, USA40.220154839975827 -111.6433430487785540.200843339975826 -111.66611404877855 40.239466339975827 -111.62057204877854tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-43908557470094229952011-11-12T23:42:00.000-08:002011-11-12T23:42:12.934-08:00Table for one<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqXKO3K3WnRH2vowjR_uJmLpeGzFCB_Kh6apwgaWw6vw6u-gtP1WsTODGJ97RnT5CVqRr5pHSAcXXcfv7m-RdMXdy5AON8aEsDt-DRig5hMZ12mT_uZIznXdO5S_lnxcu7ZGOjokz63UU/s1600/thumbnailCAHC7RX3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqXKO3K3WnRH2vowjR_uJmLpeGzFCB_Kh6apwgaWw6vw6u-gtP1WsTODGJ97RnT5CVqRr5pHSAcXXcfv7m-RdMXdy5AON8aEsDt-DRig5hMZ12mT_uZIznXdO5S_lnxcu7ZGOjokz63UU/s1600/thumbnailCAHC7RX3.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>Today I sit and ponder. What is it that I am missing? I feel an empty whole in my heart and am not sure why it is there. I feel alone. But the part that I can't get around, the part that doesn't make sense is that I as a person feel like I'm more myself than I have ever been. How can I be so complete and alone at the same time. I hide in my shell and am okay with me.</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>What is missing, what is that piece that is missing that will put me back together.</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>I just, want to feel whole...</b></span></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8561036042458720301.post-67833602124152200972011-11-12T06:28:00.000-08:002011-11-12T06:28:40.425-08:00<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lately<br />
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<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This is the first time I've ever done a blog. I figure it may help me to calm down and get thoughts out of my head.</b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Lately I have been feeling very alone. At school, I don't quite fit in, be it my age, my size, or just being me. In the huge school, I am surrounded by many people and yet I feel isolated. In my classes, I sit and every desk all around me are empty. Like people are scared to sit by me, maybe they would catch "fat." </b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm noticing myself pushing everyone away now at home too. The isolation is carrying over to the one place I am absolutely not alone. I know I am loved at home. At home I am someone worth loving. I know if people got to know me, they'd like me, I am a good person. But who wants to take that time to get to know some one like me?</b></span></div><div><b style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</b></div><div><b style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm really needing my friends and family around me to boost me up the way only they can. But they don't know it, and I'm to down to tell them.</b></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13232709488663580380noreply@blogger.com1Provo, Utah,40.195659281937985 -111.6430667812500139.794720781937983 -112.32154028125001 40.596597781937987 -110.96459328125002