Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Today, what to day about today...I went to my kidney Dr.  She said that my kidneys are only working 80% of what they should, my cholesterol and blood pressure are way to high and my weight is to high.  She told me, that with all that I was a prime candidate for a heart attack, that it was just a matter or time.  Both her and the Dr. I saw last week agreed that they are amazed I don't have diabetes already.  My blood pressure was like 180 over 110 and that was shocking.  Since last week though the scale said I lost 3 pounds, probably because I have pretty much cut out soda.

I had two boiled eggs for breakfast and a handful of almonds for breakfast and am pretty proud of myself!  

Things are just out of control in my body.  The two biggest issues with my kidneys is my blood pressure and my weight.  The cholesterol is a factor because with my kidneys not working right and the weight it puts a huge strain on my heart.  Stress is also a major problem, it makes my heart and my kidneys struggle.  In fact stress is what made my kidneys go bad in the first place way back in 2002.  

I'm super stressed right, now which is bad, but can't be helped.  I'm sure it will level out when I finish processing what I was told this past week, but ...right now I'm all sorts of freaking out. :(  My head is splitting, has been since I found out.  

I'm going tonight with my husband to get a pass to our PG Rec. center.  We're going to be walking and lifting, I love weight lifting, I think because of my ex husband.  But I know lifting and building muscle helps burn fat.

I'm scared and hopeful all at the same time because, even though I got this bad news today.  After last week, I already have this resolve to loose weight and a plan in place.  I just still need that support and love from my family and friends and I'll beat this!

I'm worth it...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

So I went to the Dr. today.  I needed my estrogen refilled, and I have this weird bump on my hand.  Estrogen...check, weird bump on my hand is a simple cyst that they are removing it in a few weeks.  BUT, this is where things go dicey for me.  He talked to me frankly about my weight.  He said for as heavy as I am, for my history of family heart diseas, diabetes, my high blood pressure, my history of high cholesterol and my kidney disease I am a high risk for a stroke within even the next year.  For a long time I've been very unhappy about my weight, but never enough to apparently stop or change any behaviors.   Today although, I'm looking at things in a new light.  I honestly feel like my mind set was tweaked just a little, enough to decide to do things differently.  I feel like today even, I've done things differently.  Little things so i don't blow out entirely. 

I was reading my friend Holli's blog and got a lot of good vibes from her and I'm excited about it.  It is going to be a long hard road, but, I'm worth it.  I'm sure it will be hard, but I am strong, I've been through so much in my life.  I can do this.  I just hope I have the support I need.  

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I am really loving this beach scene lately.  Makes me feel calm, warm, and carefree.  

I am 3 days into this semester.  They seem all good classes and teachers, except my bio class.  I'm not counting it out totally right now, but the teacher seems, not altogether.  Makes me miss my eccentric English teacher.  So this semester I am a sophomore, and I have Humanities, Sociology, Biology and Astronomy.  I missed school.  I like having something to do.  To get out of the house is worth some mental health.

My older kids are still not in school till the 17th.  It has been almost an ENTIRE MONTH and I'm going NUTS....LOL I love my kids but wow.  Taylor is in her new school Mount Mahogany.  She already has friends and I'm happy for her!

I am very happy with my new place.  It's nice, clean, new, NOT HOUSING!  

Sunday, January 1, 2012

All moved

We are all moved out of the Provo house.  It's weird.  I won't miss that place, but I was there for so long it's like all these memories are being left.  I moved in there January of 2004, and so much has happened and changed since then.  Taylor was 3 when we moved there, now she is 11.  I was single then, now I'm happily marred.  The walls have been privy to many things and wiping them down was weird.  

I like this new place.  It's brand new, it's way nice inside, my bedroom is s much bigger and nicer than the old place.  Only one bathroom but it'll do.  I just laugh when I'm in the shower and someone outside the door is screaming they need to go.  I'm not rushing my shower time. They'll have to run to Walkers lol...;)   We are full of boxes and still trying to organize things, figure out what we can take to the storage unit we got.  

My kids are going to be going to PGJH and Mount Mahogony, signing them up on Tuesday.  And then I start on the 9th.  I am excited!